| Jawz | Date: Monday, 2012-01-23, 10:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 Apprentice
Group: Citizen
Messages: 196
Status: Inactive
| ok, so I had to write an allegory for my English class, and i found out i really liked to do that, so i might write more later.
but here's the one i jus wrote for class- i don't have a title for it though.
There once was a man called One. One desired to build a dream. A dream that was bigger, and more beautiful than any other dream ever made. He desired to fill that dream too, with peace and hope and love. One knew it would be a challenging feat, but he was determined to do it for Truth. Truth had told him that to build a dream and fill it you mustn’t stop, and you mustn’t look back. As Truth stood behind him, One started to build.
While One was building, Ignorance saw and he began to yell to One. “How can you build this? You know not how! This isn’t something you’ve done before.” And One paused. “How?” he asked. “I do not know how. But I can learn. Truth can teach me.” One continued building his dream.
While One was building, Stress came and gave a deep sigh. He yelled to one “You can’t do this when you have so many other things to do! Aren’t you tired? Just turn back and just do the things you have to. All your other duties are enough for you.” One paused. “Tired? I’m not tired. There is a strength that is filling me, and I am overflowing with energy.” One continued building his dream.
While One was still building, Apathy and Boredom started to laugh. They yelled to One “What’s the point? It doesn’t mean anything! It’s no fun, wouldn’t you rather do something else? You’ve been working for a long time.” And One paused. “The point? Fun? This is my dream. I’m doing what I love for the one I love. It may not always be fun, but the reward at the end will bring more joy than anything you can offer.” One continued building his dream.
When One finally finished his building dream, it was truly magnificent. It was far bigger than all the other dreams, and the light it gave off reached many and drew their attention. One began to fill his dream with peace and hope and love. While One was filling his dream, along came Peers. Peers scoffed and yelled to One “You’ve built your dream far to large! There is no way you will be able to fill it. How foolish, you should never have started in the first place!” One paused. He was tired from building his dream, but he was still determined to finish. “I built this dream when I was told I couldn’t. Surely I can fill my dream.” And after a moment, One continued filling his dream.
While One was still filling his dream, Loneliness and Doubt stopped and stared for a while. Their presence bore into One. Finally, they yelled “You are all alone. You are hopeless and worthless. You are so weak, there is no way you can do this, not in a million years! Stop while you’re still breathing and turn around while you still can.” One was exhausted. He thought maybe they were right. But then among all the voices yelling at him, One heard a familiar voice. It whispered “Don’t give up. Don’t turn back. You have forgotten that I have been here supporting you with my hand on your back this whole time. You haven’t forgotten that I am the one you were doing this for, but you forgot to do it with me. I give you your strength. With me you can finish.” At Truth’s whispering voice, all the people that were yelling were silenced, and courage and strength filled One again. One continued filling his dream.
After years and years, One had finally finished building and fulfilling his dream. He had lived his whole life for Truth and hadn’t looked back. He didn’t have a single regret. When One had finished his dream completely, Truth said to him “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Truth took One’s hand in His, and together they went Home.
thanks for reading it! any constructive criticism would be nice (:
"Be who you are and do what you do, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss
Proud to be a Jesus Freak
i<3 my music, i <3 my anime, and i <3 my God!
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| Pydyvixl | Date: Tuesday, 2012-01-24, 12:00 PM | Message # 2 |
 Serf
Group: Emperor
Messages: 41
Status: Inactive
| I like it, it sounds like a story a pastor would tell in a sermon. It also kinda reminds me of the Pilgrims Progress (which is a really good book you should read if you haven't already)
I don't think I can think of anything in the ways of constructive criticism, but some advise would be keep writing. The more you write in this style the better your stories will get, the deeper your symbolism will be, and the stronger your message will become.
http://thenewidentity.ucoz.net/
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